Twilight on the Hellmouth
by exsailor1999
Summary: YAHF; Xander and Cordelia have a run in with vamps from the twilight world. Neither will ever be the same again.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc are the properties of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. This fanfic is not for profit and no copyright infringement is intended. The premise for this fanfic was inspired by 'A Sparkle on the Hellmouth' by Brightstar Kenobi that can be found on this website.

 **Warning:** Extremely AU. There will be character deaths. Most characters will be extremely noncanon after a certain point. Possible smut, definitely sexual situations and vulgar language. You have been warned.

 **Pairing:** Xander/Cordelia

 **Chapter 1**

 _ **Ethan's costume shop; after school 10/30/1997**_

A tall dark haired teen walked into the deserted costume shop just before closing the night before Halloween. The look on his face was one of desperation and angst. Wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt and threadbare jeans, he'd have been a good looking kid if it weren't the beaten down posture and general air of loser. Ethan recognized him as one of the children he'd seen with the Slayer the other day.

"Welcome young man to my store." The Chaos mage greeted his latest customer with false cheer. "Is there something I can help you find?"

"I hope so; I got voluntold that I had to escort some neighborhood kids around tomorrow night. The principal is making me where a costume and I was gonna use my dad's old army fatigues. But he went agro on them this morning when I asked where the patches Uncle Rory game me were supposed to be attached. Totally shredded them." He finished in a dejected tone. "I don't have much money, and I'd normally just eat the detentions but the principal isn't talking detentions this time and if I get expelled dad'll kick me outta the house."

"I see." Ethan replied thinking of what a perfect opportunity this was. 'A friend of Ripper and the Slayer and he's completely vulnerable. What oh what SHALL I do with you?' The middle aged British citizen asked himself. "Well, go ahead and browse my inventory. If you find something you like and we'll see what I can do to help you out, hmm?"

"Thanks mister." Xander replied. "You know you British guys are pretty cool." Before heading deeper into the store.

Several minutes later Ethan found the boy at the bargain bins with a hopeless look on his face. "Having trouble?"

"Trying to figure out what kind of costume I can make out of this stuff."

"Oh, son you don't want to be seen in public with a make shift costume do you? That's no way to get the ladies."

"Yeah I know…but the truth is this is just about all I can afford."

"Hmm…I tell you what, what kind of budget are you working with?"

"I swiped a $20 from my dad's wallet, but that's got to cover everything."

"In that case I've got the perfect thing. Come with me." Ethan said before leading the lanky teen to an incredible looking tuxedo. "Now I can't SELL this to you for $20, but you seem like a trust worthy lad so I have no problem renting it to you for the holiday."

"Wow. Is that…?" Xander asked in awe.

"One official James Bond tuxedo replica with complimentary Walther pistol." Ethan replied with a broad grin.

 _ **Abandoned warehouse, Industrial district, moments after the spell ended, 10/31/1997**_

Xander woke up having no idea where he was or what had happened to him. Thoughts and memories that weren't his swirled in his head like a hurricane. He remembered serving his Queen and Country for more than 30 years. Traveling all over the world and eliminating any and all threats as assigned by his control officer. He remembered beautiful women and deadly danger. He remembered a world where the supernatural was a myth and humanity was alone on the planet. And none of it made sense to the 16 year old Californian.

He couldn't move his arms or his legs, but the burning sensation radiating out from his collarbone…THAT he could feel. And it HURT! Overwhelmed by a combination of confusion, pain, fear, and panic the dark haired teen barely had to time to take in his grungy surroundings and the blood spattered body next to his before his mind shut down and he lost consciousness. Unaware of the incredible changes that his body was undergoing, the founding member of Sunnydale's own Scooby gang dreamed.

 _ **Evening of Halloween, 5:00 p.m. 10/31/1997**_

The night had started normally enough. Following the order's of the Troll Principal, he'd dressed in a costume and shown up at the high school on time with his two bestest buddies in the world, Buffy and Willow. When Xander had shown up at the Summers' house he'd gotten a kick out of flirting with Joyce in a faux British accent while they waited for the Buffster and Wills to finish getting ready. Buffy's costume was that of an 18th century noblewoman to impress her 250+ year old vampire boyfriend and Willow's was her customary ghost, while Xander had gotten a great deal from a nice old British dude and was sporting an imitation Armani tuxedo in an attempt to portray the iconic British spy James Bond.

The trio had each been assigned a group of small children and ordered to escort them as the trick or treated in the surrounding neighborhood. Xander's group had gotten a good haul of candy, and was on their way back to the high school when he blacked out.

 _ **Evening of Halloween, 7:00 p.m. 10/31/1997**_

One moment he was standing at M's funeral and mourning one of his few true friends and the next James Bond found himself in the middle of a street at night somewhere. Thanks to his decades of experience in field craft it wasn't hard to identify the surrounding architecture as placing him somewhere in the southwestern United States. What was strange was that no sense of elapsed time had passed. It was literally as if he were transported using a device from a bad sci-fi program from one location to another instantly. But that was obviously not the case as he was no longer in the suit he'd worn to M's funeral and it was no longer daytime. Seeing that Los Angeles was eight hours behind London, and the funeral had taken place at 2:00 P.M. if no time had passed it would be just after 6 A.M. local time and the sun would be rising in the east. Looking to the sky, Bond figured it was shortly after sunset at his current location and based on what some of the civilians around him were wearing he'd speculate that it was the night of Halloween. This meant that James hadn't just lost hours of memories but rather months, as the funeral had been in April.

Chaos was erupting around the British secret agent as monstrous little creatures straight out of a horror film attacked teenage and adult humans. He had just drawn his pistol and was preparing to intervene when he was accosted by a rather plain red headed teenager dressed as a…well the polite term was 'lady of the evening' but for the life of him James couldn't find anything ladylike about Willow Rosenberg. The chit was arrogant, naïve, pushy, and had all of the social grace of a leper.

Having to listen to the red headed ghost babble on about how he was possessing her best friend and that they needed the 'Slayer' who's name apparently was Buffy of all things was an exercise in patience the likes of which he'd never encountered before. But after witnessing the fact that child was indeed some form of ghost and having no other explanation as to what he was seeing, Bond decided to play along. They chased off some child monsters and rescued the Buffy girl, who had apparently dressed as an 18th century noblewoman. Listening to her scream 'DEMON' at an auto was rather amusing even if her voice was a trifle irritating. Having him gather up the girl the ghost led him to a typical suburban home in America and tried to convince them she wasn't insane. The mirror reflection and pictures seemed to bear her out, so James decided to reserve judgment. Hearing a scream in front of the home he charged out in time to aid a pretty brunette woman who was being attacked by what appeared to be a Sasquatch. James then got to meet his first real 'live' vampire. He wasn't impressed.

Now the witch on the other hand had been a rather pleasant encounter. Once they gotten away from the hairy creature and retreated to the house Bond got the chance to speak with the beautiful young woman. James found Prudence to be calm, intelligent, and incredibly knowledgeable about magic and spells as well as supernatural evil in general. And if there was one weakness that the British super spy had it was aggressively competent women. The fact that she was apparently possessing the fashion queen of the local high school while he was doing the same to the class goof ball didn't even enter into his mind.

What followed for the next several hours was a whirlwind of supernatural tropes and horror film clichés in a real life setting that quite frankly made the experienced British spy want to deliver a nuclear payload to the quaint little southern California hamlet he'd found himself in. As far as 007 was concerned this Giles person and the entire council of Watchers were undeserving of the title of British gentlemen and deserved nothing so much as a swift kick in the arse followed by bullet to the brainpan. The arrogance and idiocy that they displayed in their tactics and training regimen bordered on treason to humanity. How dare they keep the supernatural concealed from the world governments! The very idea that one teenage girl using archaic weaponry and with no backup was all that stood between the demonic forces of hell which were apparently very real by the way, and humanity made James want to vomit. Bond would grant that there did appear to be a method to their madness as humanity still existed. But the moral costs and the number of lives, especially teen girl lives was wholly unacceptable to the spy. There should be companies of commandos in at least all the major first world nations trained and equipped to deal with the demonic threats in this dimension, not one child who upon death was immediately replaced by another even younger child, mystically empowered or not.

At one point in the evening the possessed Slayer had run from the house in a panic after witnessing the tame vampire in a fight. This of course forced the others to chase after her. In the process of rescuing the useless bint, the tame vampire that called itself Angel had scooped up the girl and run, leaving James and Prudence to hold off the attacking demons. What followed seemed to be a whirlwind of combat that the duo seemed to be winning until a tremendous impact struck the British spy in the back and he blacked out.

 _ **Abandoned warehouse, Industrial district, night 11/1/1997**_

He existed in an eternity of agony. In those rare lucid moments when the waves of pain allowed for something approaching mental clarity he tried to understand what was happening to him. And then it would return; a pain so intense and unbearable, that there were literally no words to fully encompass the reality of the sensation that had been racking his body. The merciless burning of every nerve ending had occurred in relentless waves allowing him a moment of almost clarity at random intervals during the torture before sucking him into a blackness that caused the world to cease. At those times he had noticed a muffled whimpering coming from a nearby throat, telling him that he wasn't alone in his suffering…during those fleeting moments of lucidity he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

It was so dark. In the pause between heartbeats he felt the liquid fire as it raged through his veins. With each beat the fire seemed to reach a little further down his nerve endings. Getting farther and farther away from his torso…that was when Xander noticed that he could feel his limbs again. He wished he couldn't. As with the return of sensation in his extremities he suddenly had thousands more nerve endings ready to torture him as they were bathed in acid. Then he lost consciousness again, for which he could only be thankful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 _ **Abandoned warehouse, Industrial district, afternoon 11/2/1997**_

It was the absence of pain that revived him from his delirium. For what had felt like centuries he'd existed in a world of agony so when a portion of his body stopped feeling pain he noticed. For the first time in eternity the pain faded. He could feel his fingers and toes and there was no pain. As he thought about what that could mean the pain receded further. His hands and feet were now pain free.

He was so thirsty! His throat was dry and needed something to drink. Heat and fire still consumed his body and he needed something to quench it. His heart was hammering in his ears accompanied by the staccato drum of another nearby. They seemed to beat in rhythm with each other, as one paused for the next beat the other would thump. Back and forth and back and forth faster and faster. And with each beat of his heart the pain would retreat further and further towards his chest leaving a feeling of relaxation as if his body was being enveloped in cool water behind. As the dueling pair of blood pumps reached a crescendo of rapid fire patter the pain reached them. Ker thump. His heart beat stopped and with it his agony.

Opening his eyes for the first time since the pain began Xander Harris absently noticed the other heart beat cease. But he was too distracted by what he was seeing to pay it any attention. Xander found himself in the middle of a warehouse with no visible light source and it might as well have been noon. Everything was clear and sharp in a way he'd never experienced before, the stains on the walls and ground, cracks in the ceiling and even the fact that the hinges on the double doors leading into the warehouse were incredibly corroded. And how he could tell that from across the huge space was amazing. Looking at a pile of crates in the corner, Xander realized he could read the packaging from where he was standing more than 40 feet way.

His mind swam with an overload of information as he tried to come to terms with having gained decades of new memories while also processing information form senses that were far sharper even than when he'd been possessed by a Primal Hyena spirit the year before.

'Get a hold of yourself Xan-man. What do you know?' He thought to himself. He was still in his Halloween costume. He was in the warehouse where they'd rescued Buffy. There were a lot more dust piles around than what he remembered when James and Pru were fighting. Angel had grabbed Buffy and left him and Cordy to fend for themselves and Willow had chased after him.

Hearing motion behind him, Xander spun around. Next to where he'd been sprawled on the ground was the glowing form of some kind of demon in the shape of a woman. She was wearing a long black skirt and backless top that showed a lot of delectable skin. 'Kind of like Cordelia's costume come to think of it.' He mused to himself. As he watched she stood with inhuman speed. She was a really beautiful demon. As she turned to face him Xander saw that she resembled a marble statue of Cordelia Chase, wearing the trashed remnants of her costume.

'What the hell!?' He thought to himself as his body tensed in automatic readiness to either run screaming or charge recklessly.

"Xander?" An incredibly musical version of a voice he'd know anywhere came issuing forth from the faux Cordy's lips. "What happened to you? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON DWEEB BOY!?"

"Cordelia?" He asked incredulously, not noticing the strangely musical tones of his voice. "Why do you look like a glow in the dark statue version of yourself?"

"I could ask you the same thing lamebrain…" She retorted. "Wait, what do you mean glow in the dark? And GOD I'm so thirsty!"

"Well you're kinda glowing…yep definetly a glow goin on over there. Not real bright but it's all kinds of different colors. It's actually kinda pretty." He paused as walked closer towards her and continued. "I know what you mean about thirsty…My throat feels like its on fire."

"Mine too." She replied as she started walking towards the double doors. "I need to find something to drink."

The acknowledged king of the clowns of Sunnydale High couldn't really think of anything else other than his thirst, so he decided to follow on the cheerleader's heels. As they made their way through the doors and into a long hallway Xander noticed something rather odd which made him pause in his walking. "Cordy…I'm not breathing. And neither of us has a heartbeat."

"What?" She froze into inhuman stillness and paused. Ten seconds became twenty and than a minute as the pair stood frozen stiff in the middle of a deserted hallway.

"Xander, I'm not feeling the urge to breathe unless I'm speaking. And everything is so…I can see and hear and smell EVERYTHING!" Cordelia said in a trembling voice.

"Me too." He replied in an equally scared voice before wondering aloud. "What happened to us?"

"I don't know. I remember leaving my parents party to meet up with Devon. And then I wasn't me anymore, I was Pru Halliwell. I remember everything about her life…and death. And everything that happened once she possessed me. Right up until she and James were fighting in a warehouse. Then there was a blur…and all I remember after that before waking up a couple of minutes ago was A LOT of pain."

"Same for me. I feel like I was Xander Harris…and then I was James Bond. And then I remember being hit in the back by something and I blacked out. And nothing else till the pain went away." He said in a bewildered voice.

They looked at each other in a moment of perfect understanding before Xander said. "We need Giles and Buffy."

"What good is she gonna do?" Cordelia scoffed before continuing. "Giles on the other hand should be able to fix this."

"We need to find a phone and call the G-man." Xander said, ignoring her bashing of Buffy.

"And we will…right after I find something to drink." Cordelia said before walking through the far door and out into the sunlight.

 _ **Street outside of an abandoned warehouse, Industrial district, afternoon 11/2/1997**_

The sun's glare should have been overwhelming to the two dark haired teens. They'd both lived in Southern California their whole lives and knew that walking from the dark interior of an unlit building into broad daylight always resulted in a blinding glare and a need to squint unless they were wearing sunglasses. So when neither felt the need to so much as blink they became even more concerned.

Xander turned his head to look at his companion, hoping she might have an explanation, or maybe just for reassurance. He didn't get either one. When he looked at Cordelia in the full light of the sun he was literally rendered speechless. He'd been looking at Cordelia Chase, whether in hatred or admiration almost every day since kindergarten. So when he looked into her face and saw her skin sparkling like diamonds, to say he was shocked was an understatement of massive proportions.

"Cordy…why are you sparkling?"

"OH MY GOD!" Cordelia shrieked. "Nononononononononono! This is NOT possible!"

"What?" Xander asked fearfully.

"She just realized you two aren't human anymore kid." A voice with a thick New York accent said from just behind them.

"Ghaah!" Xander spun around in surprise with Cordelia doing the same.

"Who are you and what the HELL is going on?!" Cordelia demanded in her most imperious voice.

"Name's Whistler. I'm a balance demon." A short man in a 70s gangster outfit said. When the teens started to react with fear he continued. "Relax kids, I said 'Balance' demon. Means I'm not a whadda ya call 'em…a big bad? As for what's going on, that's gonna take a bit to explain. Come with me."

Without another word the strange man turned on his heel and led the way back into the dark interior of the warehouse with the two teenagers following tentatively on his heels.

Once all three were back in the interior of the abandoned building Whistler faced the two high schoolers again. Taking a moment to look at both of the teens as he visibly braced himself for their reaction he began. "First things first. You're vampires kids."

"ASDFA!?" Xander said making an incomprehensible sound that in no way resembled any word in the English language. After staring at the demon incredulously for a moment as he tried to gain his bearings, the lanky teen tried again. "I'm sorry what? It sounded like you said we were vampires…but see, I know that's not possible cuz we were just standing in the sun and no dustage happened. Plus I'm pretty sure if I were a demon I'd know it."

While Xander ranted, Cordelia had remained absolutely motionless. Suddenly, the pretty cheerleader shrieked. "Are you telling me that I'm dead!?"

"Look this is gonna take awhile cuz the explanation is long and complicated. But the short version is that you aren't demonic vampires like you two are used to dealing with. You're biological vampires that aren't supposed to exist here." While they looked at him like he was insane he continued. "Basically something got screwed up and this is the result. So hold the commentary to the end and I'll try to answer any questions you've got."

The ratty little man then waved his arm and two large bears appeared beside him standing absolutely motionless. "But first things first, you need to feed." He said, and with that the bears were loose and Whistler had disappeared.

Both Cordelia and Xander froze in horror at the sight of two nine foot tall bears as they charged at them. Suddenly Xander caught a whiff of scent that caused saliva to pool in his mouth and the warm and 'very' appetizing smell. Without thought or effort he caught the head of the bear charging him between his hands and stopped the 600 lbs of attacking animal in its tracks. Xander followed instincts he'd never had before and buried his face in the neck of the brown bear he'd trapped in his arms and bit down. The flavor was wrong, but the blood was warm and sweet and quenched the fire that had been burning at his throat since he'd regained consciousness. Xander sucked and gulped it down in an eager rush as the blood began to radiate warmth throughout his body. Eventually the bear's struggles stopped and the blood stopped flowing when its heart stopped beating.

Regaining his bearings, Xander looked up just in time to see the bear that Cordelia was feeding on die as well. When they both heard the sound of two hands clapping coming from behind them, the teens knew that the demon had returned.

"Feeling better?"

"Much…but I still don't understand how this happened." Cordelia replied while Xander was still trying to process that he'd become what he hated most in the world.

"Like I said, there was a screw up." Whistler said from where he was leaning against a nearby wall before continuing. "Okay, time for a lesson in the nature of reality. There are an infinite number of universes in which anything that can happen, will happen somewhere. In this reality, which is actually termed a hell dimension by the ones in the know by the way, demons evolved first. I think your Slayer friend's Watcher gave you the speech."

"Yeah, the world is older than we know…" Xander commented.

"Right. But it isn't like that in every reality." Whistler replied before continuing. "In the reality that your type of vampires exist in there are no Hellmouths or other dimensional weaknesses. Demons can't exist in a corporal form there."

"Sounds like paradise." Cordelia said enviously.

"Compared to hear it is. But there are still elements of the supernatural. Werewolves and other shape changers exist and so do vampires. But they are the result of a biological change not demonic essence."

"Huh?" Xander asked.

"Here vampires are blood demons that walk around looking like and with the memories and some of the personality of the corpse that they're wearing. You become one through a blood exchange that ends in death. There, vampires are humans with a few extra chromosomes that give them enhanced everything along with immortality and a need to drink blood. And you become one when you are bitten and survive. The venom you have in your mouth causes an immensely painful transformation but most people don't survive the feeding process so new vampires are incredibly rare."

"So we still have our souls and we aren't evil?" Cordy asked needing that point verified.

"You got it kid. Although Xander should have figured that part out already…what did you think the glowing colors you were seeing were?"

"I have no idea. What are they?" Xander asked in bewilderment.

"You're seeing her soul kid." Whistler replied.

"And I'm not seeing any colors when I look at you because…?"

"Because I don't have a soul." The balance demon answered calmly. "You and your friends got the whole soul thing wrong by the way. Having a soul doesn't make you good and a lack of one doesn't make you evil. Rat breath could still be a bad guy even with his soul for instance. What a soul does is give you free will. It's what allowed you to defy the prophecy and save your friend after the Master killed her. Without a soul you'd only be able to act as your basic nature and fate demanded without ever being able to try for more."

"Rat breath?"

"Yeah, you call him Deadboy…I call him rat breath on account of that's what he was eating when I found him in New York and sent him here to help the Slayer."

"Now…there are 5 major forces at work in the universe. Good, Evil, Order, Entropy, and Chaos. What happened on Halloween was that a chaos mage cursed the costumes he sold so that the people wearing them would become what they dressed up as for a couple of hours. A little morally questionable by human standards but nothing to get my bosses involved. He made sure to sell an equal number of good and evil character costumes so that everything balanced out and on the whole everything should have been fine." Whistler explained. "Problem was at the last minute he got two new costumes in a shipment. A movie that was going to be made lost its funding and the costumes were sold off."

"I'm guessing that's where we come in?" Xander asked.

"Not yet. The costumes were for the type of vampire that you've become. When you two were possessed and fighting peroxide boy and his minions you were attacked by the people wearing those costumes as they searched for blood. You two were the only humans in the building so you got bit. The spell ended before they'd drained you but even though the people wearing the costumes reverted back to normal, the venom that was already in your bodies didn't disappear. And that's how you were transformed."

"So this is the fault of that creepy British guy at the costume shop?" Cordelia asked, so that she'd know who to maim for ruining her life.

"Does it really matter?" The balance demon asked. "He didn't mean for the transformation to be permanent he just wanted to mess with your Watcher friend's head a bit for old times' sake."

"Giles? Why?" Xander asked.

"They were old college buddies until your boy Ripper cleaned up his act and followed in Daddy's footsteps as a Watcher."

"Ripper?" Cordelia asked.

"Rupert Giles' nickname in college." The demon said idly.

"Now that you know what happened we get to the part why I'm here." Whistler said in a grim voice before continuing. "Because free will is such a big thing with the Powers, I've got a choice to offer you. Now hear me out before you say ANYTHING because this will affect the fate of the world."

The two teens exchanged a look of trepidation at the sudden change in tone that the demon had used.

"You can't be changed back so get that thought right outta your heads. Your choice is I can send you two to where your type of vampire is native. Or you can remain here. BUT if you stay here that means that the other side gets to add something at least your equal to the world."

"What does that even mean?" Cordelia asked at the same time Xander chimed in with. "What do you mean send us away?"

"Look, I told you everything is about balance. You two are game changers. Individually you are each the equal of the most powerful demons on this plane. In order for the side of good too add two new powerhouses like you to their lineup than evil gets to do the same." The demon explained. "Another problem is that you can make more of your kind, which means that evil would need to be able to add a species that was your equal and able to make more of theirs as well."

"Oh and by the way…the Slayer would have no chance against them just like she'd have no chance in a battle against either of you."

"Huh?" Xander asked.

"You've got about 10 times the strength of a Slayer, you're invulnerable to anything short of an RPG, you move faster than she can see, you don't get tired or need to sleep or breath…need I go on?" Whistler asked. "You could kill the Slayer without even trying and anything the side of evil would add to this world to balance you out would be the able to do the same."

The two Sunnydale students were rendered speechless after hearing that so the demon continued.

"Your other option is to go to a world with no Sunnydale, no hellmouths, and no demons. None of the people you know have ever existed there. That means you, your parents, your friends…none of you were ever born and never existed there."

Looking over the two terrified teenagers Whistler gave a long sigh before continuing; "So what's it going to be?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 _ **Abandoned warehouse, Industrial district, afternoon 11/2/1997**_

"What's it going to be?! What's it going to be?!" Cordelia exclaimed in complete shock before stuttering into incoherency. Which is where Xander picked up her rant. "Do you really think we're going to take the word of a self admitted soulless demon for any of this? There will be no doing anything before we talk to the G-man. So take a hike…leave a number and we'll call you in a couple of days."

"That's not how this works Seer…You've got until I leave to make your call. If you don't choose one of the three options on the table, well then it'll be made for you. And no, that wasn't a threat…and no I'm not the one who'll decide for you." The demons said before muttering. "That crap is way above my pay grade."

"Wait…THREE? I thought you said there were only two choices." Cordelia asked.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure neither of you considers death an option."

"You would be right. Good call on the death not being an option. Really wanna keep it that way too." Xander babbled.

"I tell you what; because I'm such a nice guy I'm gonna help you out a bit. I can't take you to see your friends but we should be able to call them." He said while reaching into his jacket and pulling out a cellular phone.

"Why?"

"Because neither of you can be trusted around humans yet. Your bloodlust is too powerful. Normally that wouldn't be an issue but blondie and the others have destinies and I'm not cleaning up the mess after you turn them into paste. And because your 'Scoobies' are at your tweed obsessed friend's house worrying about where there 'Xander-shaped friend' is you can talk to them all at once."

As the demon finished speaking he'd already begun to dial. While the two newly risen blood drinkers waited impatiently each began to think over what they were going to do.

Cordelia was only peripherally a member of the Scoobies…she wasn't friends or close with any of the people they were about to speak to. 'But Daddy's out of town on business and he took Mom with him so other than Harmony and the others from school I don't have anyone I can talk to…and if I tried to talk to Harmony and Astra about all of this they'd think I was insane. So I guess Giles and those two losers are it for advice. UGH!' She thought to herself.

Xander on the other hand considered the three other Scoobies to be his family. Willow was his uber-smart sister and yellow crayon buddy. Long story. G-man was the closest thing Xander had ever had to a male role model. And other than the tea drinkage, tweed wearing, and general Britishness of the guy Xander respected and looked up to him. And Buffy…ah Buffy. The Slayer, the Chosen One, she of the blonde and perky. Once upon a time he'd been in love with her. Then she used him as a stripper pole to make a vampire jealous. Which crushed his already subterranean ego and killed any passion type feelings he'd had for her but she was still his Buffinator. The girl he'd walk to the end of the world to help in any way he could…even if that help was only a shoulder to cry on and a box of donuts for comfort.

"Hello?"

"Giles I've got a big problem here. Cordelia and I have been turned into vampires and a balance demon named Whistler is saying we either need to leave this reality or evil is gonna get a major power boost. What do we do?" Xander babbled all in one breath as soon as he heard the older man's voice, not even noticing that from where he was standing it wasn't humanly possible for him to have detected Giles' voice.

"Hello? Whoever is there you are going to have to speak up…this infernal device must be malfunctioning as I can barely hear you."

"Oh for the love of…" Cordelia exclaimed as she took the cell phone from Whistler. Gently holding the fragile device up to her ear she said. "Giles its Cordelia. Put me on speaker phone."

After a moment Giles said. "Go ahead." At the same time Willow could be heard babbling in the background as Cordelia continued.

"Xander and I had something happen to us on Halloween and now we've got major trouble. Have you ever heard of something called a balance demon or somebody named Whistler?"

"Cordelia? Oh thank God! We were so worried when neither you nor Xander checked in yesterday. Wait, Balance demon? A balance demon named Whistler is there with you right now?"

"Yes." She replied at the same time she and Xander could here Angel's voice in the background, amidst the eruption of babble from Willow and Buffy, saying something. "Whistler?"

"We're at the warehouse where we rescued Lady Useless and there's a mob extra from Starsky and Hutch standing in front of me saying that he's a Balance Demon named Whistler."

While Giles was busy quieting down the panicking teen girls and didn't catch the cheerleader's comment, thanks to the vampire's enhanced hearing he did and said. "That's a perfect description for the guy that found me in New York and told me the Slayer would need my help on the Hellmouth. He told me that his name was Whistler and that he worked for the Powers that Be."

"I see..." Giles said in a thoughtful voice. "Balance demons are generally nonviolent messengers for the higher powers called simply the Powers. I'm afraid I don't know much about them beyond that. I do know that the Slayer is considered to be a champion of the Powers, but not much else that would be relevant at this time."

As Cordelia and Xander thought over what they'd just learned the British librarian continued. "What exactly has happened to you and Xander, Cordelia? And why is a balance demon involved?"

"Apparently a bunch of people turned into their costumes on Halloween, including us. We'd just rescued Buffy and Angel had run off with her when we were attacked from behind. The only other thing I know for sure that happened between then and now is that whatever it was it was REALLY painful. We woke up here in the warehouse only we're obviously not human anymore. Whistler said that a couple of people had turned into a different kind of vampire and were feeding on us when the spell ended. But apparently that kind of vampire is…venomous?" She trailed off as she looked to the badly dressed demon to make sure she was right. When he nodded she continued. "Right, venomous. Apparently you get turned into their kind if you're bitten and survive. When the spell ended, they went back to human but the venom was already in us, and got with the changing or whatever. Anyway, he's saying that our kind isn't supposed to exist on this world and if we stay then the evil side gets to add some big bads to balance us out. Or we have to go to the world where our kind of vampire does exist."

"VAMPIRES!" Willow cried. "OHGodOhdGod!" With Buffy crying right along with her and a "Good Lord!" from Giles rounded out the cacophony. After a moment Willow could be heard in the background.

"Cordelia'salwaysbeensoullesandevilbutXander!Xandercan' 'tbeavampirewe'resupposedtogetmarried!"

Hearing Willow's voice in the background and with his years of practice he was able to understand her babble voice instantly. And then he wished he hadn't. While the Xander from before Halloween was flattered that any female was interested in him, he was repulsed that it was the closest thing to a sister that he'd ever had. The Bond memories, with their greater understanding of human nature and especially female nature also supplied the fact that, more than likely, Willow was the reason he'd never stood a chance with Buffy. Another problem was that with the addition of the new memories to filter his life as Xander the adorable babble of his Willow had become the ear grating whining of an immature, selfish, intellectually arrogant and a whole bunch of other adjectives person who's chance that he would ever date let alone marry could be summed up with three little words… 'No way in hell.'

"Apparently we are biological vampires from an alternate world. We need to drink blood and have an unquenchable thirst for the red stuff but in every other way we are nothing like the vamps around here." Xander chimed in.

"What do you mean evil gets to add 'big bads' to balance you out?" Buffy asked from the background. "What's to balance? It's not like either of you are any good in a fight." She finished with an unconscious arrogance that appalled Xander.

"Apparently we're something no Slayer could ever hope to fight. We're too strong, too fast, and pretty close to being invulnerable and yes that includes sunlight, not too sure about holy water, crosses, and the need for an invitation before entering a home…we also don't need to sleep apparently." Xander answered.

"None of that works. Neither do stakes. The only way to stop a vampire like you kid is brute force, and A LOT of it. I'm talking ripping you limb from limb, a bomb, or something else that'll do catastrophic damage to your body all at once. Anything else you either wouldn't notice or would heal from before it could effect you." Whistler said from where he was standing next to Cordelia.

"And we're neither dead nor soulless Willow." Cordelia said still annoyed at Willow's comments from earlier. "We're biological vampires…not demonic."

"If we stay, in order to balance us out, evil would have to bring in something that was our equal. Including the ability to make more of its kind, since technically we can too." Xander added.

"So apparently a major league demon species or something." Cordelia chimed in. "What should we do?"

"You shouldn't go. We can fix this, Giles and I can research and then we'll find a spell to undo it and you'll be human again and we can all go back to normal. Stay Xander! Oh, I guess we can fix Cordelia too." Willow cried in the background.

"Yeah, Xand you should stay. The baddies adding a new big bad is just another week on the Hellmouth. I don't buy what this Whistler dude is telling you. I'm the Slayer, any new baddie that shows up I'll deal and with Will, Giles, and Ms. Calendar workin the mojo it'll be okay. We'll have you back to human and you'll be fine in no time." Buffy chimed in.

"I'm afraid in this situation I am unsure what to advise the two of you." Giles said after taking a moment to compose his thoughts. "From what you are telling me, both of you are not only a threat to humanity if you lose control of your bloodlust, you are also far beyond Buffy in your combat capabilities. No Slayer would be able to stop or contain either of you if you fell into evil. By the same token, in order to achieve a cosmic balance you are telling me that the forces of evil will gain immensely powerful minions, your equal in point of fact, if you remain here. To remain would mean a whole new level of threat to the world. To go would place two teenagers in a world they are wholly unfamiliar with. As a Watcher I should tell you to go as the lives of seven billion outweighs the lives of two. As your teacher…I want you to stay for selfish reasons but would still tell you to go. I am just not very proud of myself for doing so."

Both Xander and Cordelia were silent as they processed what their mentor had just told them.

"I tell you what kids…since this is a screwed up situation I'm gonna throw you a bonus. Choose to go, and I'll send you to some people that have learned how to survive without killing humans. They'll show you the ropes of your new world and help you out."


End file.
